Another Day

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So here it is another day down. Now that the initial shock has worn off, I'm totally getting excited about our new baby. I can't lie, I'm scared as hell but excited none the less. It's so expensive to raise a child these days, hell it's expensive just to survive on your own! I am humbly proud of how far along I have come. When I was younger I had a pretty privileged life. My family wasn't rich, but we were well off. Things changed drastically and fast. Once my mother and father split after 16 plus years of being married that's when the end began. I was devastated, I was staying the night at a friends house when I got a phone call from my Mom, and pretty much just told me she wasn't happy anymore and that she had to leave. She asked if I wanted to come with her or stay with my dad. What a messed up position to be in, you see I'm a Momma's boy and always have been. I definitely wanted to be with my Mom but I knew, not just thought I with out a doubt knew that my Dad would have taken his life if I left him also. That was to much burden for me to carry at such a young age. I know my life would have been better and easier if I went with Mom, but I had to stay with my Pops. My Dad was crushed, he couldn't figure out what went wrong or what he had done. In his eyes he had done everything for my Mom, and I agreed. The thing is, to provide for my Mom and I he had to work hard! He worked too much, and I guess my Mom just wanted more of him and his time and not just the material things he worked so hard to provide. My Dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, you wouldn't see my old man without a Bud in his hand. But I didn't see a problem with his drinking. He didn't miss work, he didn't beat on me or my Mom. In fact he was more fun to be around once he had a few in him. But as I have learned, this disease can take a long time to progress, and my Dad's problems began once my Mom left. He was in such bad shape he couldn't take care of himself let alone take care of me. I got started selling pot just to feed my damn self. It had got to a point where my Dad wouldn't come home until like 5 or 6 in the morning, piss drunk and crying his eyes out. I had up until this time, never seen my Dad cry. It was heart wrenching, horrible. My Dad was my rock, he always had the answers, he was always so strong and all of a sudden he lost it. Since he owned his own business doing finish carpentry, it was easy for him to leave early and hit the bar. I know he was just trying to numb the pain he was feeling, believe I know how that works but he didn't know how much what he was doing was effecting me. It took him almost killing us to get him to stop drinking, and that didn't last long enough. He came home one night and when he arrived, he was parked in the driveway and just sitting there. I kept waiting for him to come in but he didn't, so I went out to him, he looked so sad and I could tell he had been crying. He looked up at me and asked if I was hungry, of course I was hungry I was freaking starving. So he says hop in, we'll go get something to eat. I didn't realize how drunk he was until it was too late. My Dad's car was a Camero Z28 with a LT1 5.0 fuel injected formula one corvette race engine in it(Basically really DAMN fast) he gets it up to a hundred miles an hour and asks me, does this scare you. Being young and dumb I say no, he gets to 160 and repeats his question and before I could answer he was wiping a tear from his eye on his sleeve and as we veered to the right just slightly, he went to correct and sent is into a spin... okay more like 4 or 5 spins before landing in a ditch facing the sky and literally with a tree less than a foot from the right side and less than a foot on the left side. A miracle, we wrecked on an old country road doing 160 plus and I don't have a scratch on my body and my Dad was so fucked up he trys to turn the key thinking he's going to drive away. This little old lady and her husband come out to make sure we are okay and my Dad's already gone. Needless to say he got his first DUI for that incident and once he sobered up he realized that he really had a problem. I feel that because he was doing the treatment and all that for the courts satisfaction is the reason things didn't work for long. So within 3yrs my Dad racks up 7 or 8 DUI's and was pretty much on the run. It's was only a matter of time before he either died or got caught and went to jail. Thank God he got pulled over before he killed himself or heaven forbid someone else. Anyway I guess I'm venting a little bit and honestly theres probably nobody that's even going to read this, but the one thing you need to know is that my dad is not a bad guy, he just made some very bad choices and when all was said and done he payed for it, he ended up doing 2 years county. If you knew my father you could not possibly picture him in jail. Well this is where things started to get really bad for me because of the fact he went to jail, that meant I was out of a place to live and without my Dad. I went threw soooo much loss during this time its insane. It's like a bad country song, My dad went to jail, I lost my home, my dog who had been my best friend for years I had to put to sleep due to his hip problems, my other best friend and partner in crime moved to Alaska, and on and on the list of loss went. Regardless, I have came from having everything to losing everything, to being homeless living in a van, to getting clean, getting a job having my son, meeting my soon to be wife, being blessed with another baby and best of all getting my first apartment without the help of anybody. I'm still struggling and might always be, but I still feel blessed, things can always be worse. I've learned to appreciate the finer things in life. Things that can't be bought! Well it's getting late and I need some sleep so I will continue to tell you all about my life, past and present. So again thank you for taking time out of your life to read about mine!